Peer reviews were good. We got a lot of good ideas to modify eveyones papers. I will find sources for some of the information I already have in my paper. I seem to be on track, but I could tie the food to the culture a bit better. I really don't have any questions for you today..
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Jason,
You are off to a great start. The first line of your essay is perfect--it is informative and interesting! I would consider expanding your intro. a bit though and providing some more basic background information to set the context for your readers.
In terms of the body of the essay you are doing quite well with organization. A few minor points to examine: you quote Schoichi on page one. If this is from an academic journal there should be a page number and that also goes in the in-text citation.
There are a few areas where information appeared to come from outside sources--not directly but in summary. The bottom of the second paragraph on page two, for example, states that time McDonals moved to Asia. Where does this idea come from? Remember you need an in-text citation even if you are borrowing the idea.
Lastly, at the top of page two you refer to "us." Who is the us you mean here?
As I said earlier, you have a strong start Jason. Keep working on refining your language and clearing up those issues mentioned for clarification. Let me know if you have any questions.
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